


are you for me or against me (hold yourself against me)

by siriuslyrose



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex Mercer Has Anxiety (Julie and the Phantoms), Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Caleb as Willie's Dad, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No beta we die like Sunset Curve, Willie as a foster kid au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:08:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29002002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriuslyrose/pseuds/siriuslyrose
Summary: “You don’t look okay Alex,” Julie said, raising an eyebrow at his bouncing leg. Alex sighed.“It really doesn’t matter.”“Try us,” she responded. Alex bit his bottom lip.“I don’t think Willie’s Dad likes me.” Bobby snorted, and Julie glared at him.Alternatively: the five times that Alex thinks Willie's dad hates him, and the one time he's told he's wrong
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Bobby | Trevor Wilson/Reggie Peters, Flynn/Carrie Wilson (Background), Pre Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 24
Kudos: 263





	are you for me or against me (hold yourself against me)

**Author's Note:**

> you know when you get a hyperfixation and then you build an entire au world in your head for said hyperfixation? and then like every now and again a story will force its way out of your head and you can do nothing productive for two weeks except work on the story??? yeah this is that
> 
> title is from r u 4 me by middle kids
> 
> also to clarify- willie was a foster kid, he has since been adopted by caleb.

Alex Mercer was raised in the Catholic Church. In a community where his family name meant he was invited over immediately, and his kind manners meant he was liked instantly. In that environment being rejecting and disliked was not something Alex ever grew accustomed to.

When he told his parent’s he was gay, he was forced to face that reality. To say it was unpleasant would be an understatement.

Suddenly, he had something new to make him anxious.

* * *

Alex’s terrible mood was apparent to the band the second he walked into the studio and skulked over to his drums.

Reggie and Bobby exchanged a look as they threw darts at the dartboard, but neither made a move to address their friend. As the more persistent pair in their friendship group, Julie and Luke instantly stopped writing at the piano.

“You okay buddy?” Luke asked worriedly. Alex glanced at him as he grabbed his drumsticks.

“I’m fine, are we going to start rehearsal?” He responded stiffly. Reggie and Bobby placed their darts down and picked up their instruments. Luke and Julie shared a perturbed glance as they moved to their places.

“You don’t look okay Alex,” Julie said, raising an eyebrow at his bouncing leg. Alex sighed.

“It really doesn’t matter.”

“Try us,” she responded. Alex bit his bottom lip.

“I don’t think Willie’s Dad likes me.” Bobby snorted, and Julie glared at him.

“Wait when did you meet his Dad?” Luke asked.

“I walked Willie home after our date, and his Dad was home. I guess he just got back in town? So Willie was like, ‘Let me introduce you.’ And so he dragged me inside, and the first thing his Dad said to me was ‘why are you wearing shoes in my house?’” Alex said, exasperated.

“Why were you wearing shoes in his house?” Reggie asked. Alex turned to him wild-eyed and started spinning one of his drumsticks in his left hand.

“I’ve been to Willie’s house like a dozen times! And he’s never taken his shoes off. He’s never asked me to take mine off! I mean Winnie’s an inside dog, so I didn’t think that his dad would care about his floors. But I guess I’ve never been over when Caleb was home.” Alex took a breath but continued speaking before anyone else could comment. “So it was already a terrible introduction. Then Willie introduces me, and his Dad's handshake was so firm that it actually hurt. And then he immediately kicked me out, because Willie _needs to study_. Which I _know_ is untrue.”

Alex huffed at the end of the rant, and his eyes became focused on the spinning drumstick in his hand. From where she stood, Julie could see the way his chest heaved slightly.

“So firstly, it sounds like you’re over-thinking it,” Julie said.

“Yeah man, you’re awesome. And you said he was out of town, so he probably just wanted to hang out with Willie for a bit.” Luke added.

“I’m sure he won’t hold the shoe thing against you. It’ll be fine.” Reggie assured.

“And if it’s not, he might ask Willie to stop seeing me. And then I’ll be so heartbroken that I won’t be able to play shows anymore, and you guys will kick me out of the band and I’ll be alone forever.” Alex said, still focused on his spinning drumstick.

“Well, that’s not happening,” Bobby said.

“You don’t know that,” Alex responded, eyes snapping over to Bobby.

“Yeah I do,” Bobby said with an eye roll. “Because even if you could never play drums again we wouldn’t kick you out of the band, you can be like Flynn’s assistant or something.”

The group turned to Bobby incredulously, and Reggie elbowed him in his ribs.

“You won’t lose your ability to play,” Julie said, pointedly at Bobby. “Because Caleb isn’t going to make Willie break up with you.”

“What if he does?”

“Dude, when have you ever known Willie to actually listen to a figure of authority?” Luke reminded.

“I- that’s, okay. Yeah, that might be true.”

“Right, so even if he doesn’t like you, who cares? Reggie’s dad doesn’t like me.” Bobby said, throwing an arm around Reggie’s shoulders.

“That’s because you set off like three bottle rockets in his living room and shattered two different windows. Besides, his mom loves you.”

“Those bottle rockets were like four years ago, and frankly, I think it’s time he got over it. But I have no response to the other thing. Mrs Peters thinks I’m awesome, and she’s right.” Alex laughed and some of the tension left his shoulders.

“But seriously Lexi, you’re great, there’s no way he didn’t like you. And if he didn’t, it doesn’t matter, because Willie does. Like a lot.” Bobby assured gently.

“Okay,”

“Okay?” Julie checked.

“Okay. I’ll try to stop thinking about it. But thank you.” Alex said shyly.

“Hey no problem dude, we probably should start rehearsing though. Cause Willie is coming to our show on Saturday and it sounds like you could use all the brownie points you can get.” Luke said with a grin as he picked up his guitar, barely dodging the drumstick Alex threw at his head.

* * *

(1)

After their gig on Saturday, Willie greeted the band backstage with Flynn. Alex wasn’t expecting to see him until later and lit up when he spotted him. Willie walked through the rest of the band, and threw his arms around Alex’s shoulders and pulling him in for a kiss. Alex melted into the action, and it did a lot to calm some of the residual anxiety Alex was having about Caleb. Who cares if Caleb liked him if he could still do this?

Pulling out of the kiss, Alex rested his forehead against Willie’s for a moment, just smiling at him.

“Good show Hotdog,” Willie giggled, causing Alex to blush.

When they turned back to the group, Luke flashed them a grin that made Alex want to hit him.

“Shut up,” he hissed, making Luke grin wider.

The group headed back to their dressing room to cool down from the show. The boys started changing into less sweaty clothes, whilst Flynn jumped between people, showing them all comments on their latest YouTube video that pertained to each person. Everyone tried to respond just as enthused, but there was a visible deflation in the room as the show’s adrenaline started to wear off.

They started packing their stuff and deciding on who was going home with who. Bobby threw his arm around Reggie’s shoulder informing the room that Reggie was going to crash at his tonight. A moment later Julie informed Luke that he was welcome to try and sneak into the studio again. Alex went to ask if he could crash at the studio too when Willie pinched his shirt gently to get his attention.

“Do you want to stay over my place?” Willie asked, shyly. 

“I-uh. Isn’t your dad home?” Alex replied, dumbly.

“Nah, he’s performing in Vegas tonight. Won’t be back till Monday probably.” Without the pressure of Caleb Covington there, the thought of spending the night at Willie’s made butterflies flutter in Alex’s stomach.

“Yeah, I’d love to stay over.” Willie grinned at him, and Alex mirrored it. Alex started leaning over to kiss the grin when Luke interjected.

“You guys really are just the cutest,” he joked, his hands splayed over his heart.

“Shut up. Go oogle at Julie and leave us be,” Alex retorted. Luke started to respond when Julie called him from across the room. For a moment, Luke looked like he was going to ignore her to make a point to Alex, but when she called him again, the hard look in his eyes disappeared, and he immediately went over to her.

“I think he’s right, though. We might be the cutest,” Willie said sliding his hand into Alex’s, causing the blonde to blush, again.

* * *

Willie’s house was large considering only two people lived there. It was in the same gated community as Carrie’s, but instead of the tall black fences surrounding it, like the other houses in the community, Willie’s was surrounded by an 8-foot hedge, that circled the entire property.

When Alex first saw it, he was confused. He had grown up listening to his parents complain about the strictness of HOA regulations. So an 8-foot hedge that stood out in comparison to the rest of the neighbourhood seemed absurd, especially in a neighbourhood like this.

“Caleb likes his privacy,” was the only explanation Willie had offered.

Willie typed a code into the front gate and it opened, allowing them to walk in. They walked up the pathway to Willie’s house, and Willie pulled out the key from around his neck to unlock the front door. They could both hear the scratching coming from the other side of the door.

“Hey baby,” Willie said, crouching down to catch the caramel miniature Goldendoodle as she leapt to greet him. Willie started patting the dog as she yapped at him happily.

“Hey Winnie,” Alex said, crouching next to Willie. She immediately bared her stomach to him for pats, Alex laughed but obliged.

“You’re so spoilt,” Willie remarked as Winnie yawns, content to allow both boys pet her forever. “You wanna go grab the shower first? I’ll sort this one out.”

“Yeah sure,” Alex responded standing up and toeing his shoes off at the door. Willie snorted, and Alex shoots him a warning glance. Willie held his hands up in surrender, a grin on his face.

Alex walked the familiar path to Willie’s room, grabbing a towel from the linen closet on the way. He entered Willie’s room, dumped his bag by the door and walked into the on-suite, dropping his clothes on the bathroom floor as he undressed.

He showered quickly, forgoing washing his hair, in favour of desperately wanting to sleep. When he got out of the shower, he found his clothes in the washing hamper, and some of Willie’s clothes left out for him to sleep in.

Alex changed quickly and used every ounce of self restrain he had to not lean down and smell the shirt he was now wearing.

Back in Willie’s room, Willie was sat on the floor next to his bed. Winnie was laying her in his lap sleepily as Willie scrolled through social media on his phone.

“You think can handle her while I have a quick shower?” Willie asked.

“I can give it a shot,” Alex sat down next to Willie, and Willie maneuvered the dog over onto Alex’s lap. She moved easily, and immediately nuzzled her face into Alex’s stomach.

“You are just ridiculously cute,” Alex remarked, running his fingers through her fur. Alex leaned his head back against the bed, closing his eyes for a moment as Willie went to the bathroom.

* * *

Willie pulled Winnie from his lap, and Alex’s head snapped up.

“You must’ve been pretty tired, hey hotdog?” Alex glared at the use of that horrible nickname, but Willie must've been right because he didn’t even realize he had fallen asleep.

Willie placed Winnie on her dog bed, right by his bedroom door. She whined quietly but quickly settled into her bed already asleep. Willie walked back to Alex, who was trying to wake up enough to haul himself into the bed.

Willie grabbed Alex’s hands and pulled him up. Alex stood unsteadily, and Willie gently forced him down onto the bed, pushing him towards the wall. Alex moved easily and fell back onto the pillow tiredly.

“Thank you for letting me stay tonight,” Alex said, eyes already closed. He felt a kiss on his cheek and opened his eyes to see Willie smiling at him.

“Thank you for coming,” Alex rolled over so that they faced each other. He linked their hands and brought them up so their joined hands were resting between them. Willie slid one of his legs underneath Alex’s.

“This is really nice,” Alex mumbled, eyes closing again.

“Heck yeah, it is,” Willie giggled, tightening his grip for a moment. It’s probably the most peaceful Alex had felt in a while falling asleep.

* * *

Alex’s relationship with his parents could be described as strained at best. Beyond the fact that he was only allowed inside his house one weekend a month, after coming out, his entire existence was something they constantly monitored and critiqued. If he got caught behaving in a way that they considered inappropriate, the potential consequences could be severe.

It’s because of this, that Alex’s entire body jolted when he heard the front door open. Winnie jumped from where she’s been sleeping and darted out the open bedroom door, and Alex listened to someone moving around downstairs.

Alex shook Willie, feeling his heart pounding in his chest.

“What’s up?” Willie mumbled.

“Someone’s in your house,” Willie’s eyes snapped open at that. They were both quiet as they listened to a quiet murmuring downstairs, followed by Winnie’s yapping.

“My dad must’ve got home early,” This realization didn't calm Alex’s nerves.

“Maybe you should hide in the bathroom,” Willie joked. Alex instantly pushed the blankets off himself, crawling out of the bed. He tripped slightly, barely catching himself on the bathroom door. Behind him, Willie laughed.

There were footsteps that Alex could hear coming up the stairs, as he darted behind the bathroom door.

Winnie darted back into the room, and there was a brief knocking on the door.

“Yeah?” The door squeaked as it slid open.

“You’re up pretty early for a Sunday,” Caleb remarked.

“Well, you were being very loud,” Alex could detect the smile in Willie’s voice.

“Sorry about that. Tonight’s show was cancelled so I thought I’d come home early. I wanted to know if you wanted to come down to the club later?”

“Oh. Yeah, that’d be cool actually.”

It’s quiet for a moment, where neither party speaks. Alex’s heart was pounding so hard he thought that maybe they could hear it too.

“I am making breakfast, you’re welcome to come downstairs and grab some if you want. You too Alex.” Dread was building in Alex’s chest, and starting to claw it’s way up into his throat. But he had dealt with enough authority figures in his life to know that continuing to hide was the wrong choice.

He moved out from behind the door, clutching the door handle tightly.

“Thank you, sir,” Alex hoped that his voice didn't sound shaky.

Caleb didn't smile at him like Emily Patterson would’ve if she caught him in her son’s bedroom. Instead, he raised a single eyebrow and turned to leave without another word.

Alex turned to Willie, who looked remarkably relaxed, considering the worst-case scenario of their sleepover had come to fruition.

“That went better than expected,” Willie remarked, getting up to get dressed.

With shaking hands, Alex moved to get dressed too.

Maybe it did go better than expected. Maybe Caleb was super cool with his son sneaking boys into his house when he was out of town. Or maybe, Caleb was like Alex’s dad; the kind of man who did his best yelling after ten minutes of calculated silence.

The pair go to the bathroom and brush their teeth in silence. Alex knew that Willie was watching him, but Alex can’t think past his escape plan. He could probably just grab his bag, and sneak past Caleb in the kitchen. Sure, he’d already seen him, but Alex could still get out of this with minimal damage yet.

Although, maybe leaving Willie in the belly of the beast was a bad idea. Alex had no idea the type of parent Caleb was, and the last thing he wanted to do was leave him alone with someone who had a reason to be angry with him.

“Is your dad pissed?” Alex asked nervously.

“Nah,” Willie assured, as they walk back into his room.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I mean I’ll probably get a talking to later about how I should still ask before I invite someone over. But then I’ll remind him that he leaves me alone more then he doesn’t and that I’m lonely. He’ll make a crack about how that’s what Winnie’s for. We’ll laugh, and then he’ll let me mess around with the tech booth at the club to make up for having to ‘discipline’ me.”

“As long as you’re sure,” Willie reached out and grabbed one of Alex’s unsteady hands.

“Everything is completely fine,” Alex nodded, still feeling an overwhelming sense of dread in his chest.

“I-, okay, um that’s good. I think I’m going to take off now though,” Alex said, reaching down with the hand Willie wasn’t holding to grab his bag.

“That’s okay. Thank you for coming.” Willie leaned back to the bedside table, grabbed Alex’s phone, and handed it to him. He kissed him gently on his cheek, and Alex tried to focus on the feeling of that and not how his hands wouldn't stay still.

Alex’s didn't get the opportunity to sneak out without seeing Caleb, because once downstairs, Willie pulled him towards the kitchen.

Caleb was standing at the stove, cooking what smelled like bacon. Winnie was sitting patiently at his feet, her tail wagging. In the middle of the usually clear bench, there was a dauntingly large box of condoms. Alex made a choked noise, and Willie sighed deeply.

Caleb turned around, at the noises. He spotted Alex’s bag.

“Are you not staying for breakfast Alex?” he asked, politely.

“No thank you, sir. I should really get going. Thank you for the offer though.” Caleb nodded and turned back to cooking.

Alex squeezed Willie’s hand tightly and risked a kiss on his cheek whilst Caleb’s back was turned.

“I’ll text you,” he promised, exiting the kitchen.

Alex rushed through the house to the front door, barely remembering to collect his shoes before he barrelled out into the street. He put his shoes on awkwardly as he sped down the street, and once out of view of the house, forced himself to slow down and breathe.

In retrospect, that could have gone a lot worse. Caleb Covington was probably never going to approve of Alex, and sure that was going to put a major dampen on his and Willie’s relationship. But right now, it was okay. Because Willie was fine, and he was fine.

Alex made the smartest decision he could in the moment and decided to head to Bobby’s. Bobby’s mom worked on Sunday mornings, so he wouldn't have to encounter any figures of authority if he headed there.

* * *

“Do you have any idea what time it is?” Bobby asked as he swung open the door.

“Hi, Bobby.”

“It’s like 8 AM on a Sunday dude. Sunday!”

“Caleb came home early and found me in bed with Willie,” Bobby immediately looked more serious. He grabbed Alex’s arm and pulled him inside.

Reggie was asleep on the couch, and Alex could see the space next to him that Bobby had left. The TV was scrolling through Netflix advertisements, so Alex guessed that they fell asleep last night binging another one of those A&E shows that he and Luke couldn’t stand.

Alex dropped his bag next to the TV and started pacing the room. Bobby sat back down on the couch and started waking Reggie up.

“What’s going on? Why’s Lex model walking again?” Reggie asked, pulling himself up and leaning back into Bobby’s side.

“Caleb found him in bed with Willie,” Bobby informed quietly, watching Alex pace.

“Oh shit. Did he do something?” Alex glanced at them as he paced.

“I mean- not really?”

“What does not really mean?” Bobby asked.

“He offered to make us breakfast, and then when we went downstairs he had left a box of condoms on the bench.” Luke would’ve laughed at that, but both Reggie and Bobby are looking at Alex with the seriousness the situation deserved.

“It sounds like it could’ve been a lot worse,” Bobby said.

“Right.”

“Did Willie seem okay?”

“Yeah.”

“So maybe everything is okay?” Alex stopped pacing and stared blankly at the wall of baby photos Bobby’s mom had set up perfectly in her living room. His entire body still felt like lead, but it was lessening now that he was away from Caleb.

“I’ve just blown any chance I ever had of Caleb liking me,” Alex said sadly.

At his tone, both Reggie and Bobby launch themselves off the couch and towards Alex. Bobby tackled him from behind, whilst Reggie wrapped him in a hug from the front. They both started speaking over each other.

“Alex, you’re literally the coolest guy to ever exist and if Caleb can’t see that then he’s a moron, cause you’re so great Lex,” Reggie rambled.

“You’re so fucking great Alex, and Willie likes you so much, so who cares what that old shit thinks,” Bobby added.

Alex let out a wet laugh that made both friends tighten their grips. Alex fell forward into Reggie’s arms and rested his forehead on Reggie’s shoulder. He clutched Bobby’s hands on his chest.

“There was this moment, where I thought it was my dad,” Alex whispered. Bobby made a wounded noise from behind him.

“It wasn’t though. It was Caleb, and he let you leave, so it’s okay. We’re all okay.” Reggie assured, patting Alex’s hair comfortingly. Alex sniffed and let himself stand in the comfort of his friends, breathing as the tightness in his chest and throat finally started to lessen.

They stood in their huddle for a moment, before Bobby started dragging them back towards his bedroom.

“Why are we going to your room?” Alex asked, and Reggie shushed him gently.

Bobby pulled out of the hug to start rifling through his draws, whilst Reggie dragged Alex over to the bed. He nudges Alex’s feet until Alex slides out of his sneakers.

“Change into these,” Bobby said throwing a pair of sweatpants over Alex’s head.

“We are going to nap because it is far too early for us to be dealing with such emotional topics. It should be illegal for anyone to be up this early on a Sunday.”

“You’re so dramatic Bobbers,” Reggie remarked, pulling him onto the bed whilst Alex changed.

Once changed Alex sat on the edge of the bed and let Bobby and Reggie pull him onto it further. They move back and arrange themselves so that Alex was pressed between the pair.

His phone buzzed, and Alex pulled it out of the pocket of his sweatpants.

“No, we’re sleeping.” Bobby groaned.

Alex ignored him and opened the text anyway. It’s from Willie.

‘Everything is fine. Thanks for sleeping over last night! I miss you already xx.’

* * *

(2)

Playing the drums was something that Alex did to escape his anxiety. He could let himself fall into the rhythm of a song and become immersed in something that he created outside of his own mind. After meeting Willie, it became apparent that he had the same affinity to escapism, only instead of drumming he skated.

Willie had been skating since he was a kid, years before he had entered the foster system. His board had followed him to every home, and his skills grew alongside his impressive scar collection.

Watching Willie skate was one of Alex’s favourite things to do. He would either follow behind or just sit in the skate park whilst Willie practised the long list of tricks that Alex still couldn’t remember. Alex often found himself mesmerized with every move Willie made on his board, from focusing on the way his hair blew in the wind, to the way he pushed off his board, Alex just loved watching him show off what he was talented at.

Today, Willie had taken Alex down to the skate park and had been talking about showing Alex a ‘dolphin flip’ all afternoon.

Alex saw the focused look on Willie’s face to indicate that he was about to attempt said flip.

He lined the board up and crouched down low as it moved. He jumped in the air, causing the board to flip.

At the other side of the skate park, a group of kids around Carlos age all cried out at the same time as their friend landed a trick.

Willie’s board flipped 360 degrees, and Willie brought his left foot down to stabilize the board as he lands. The noise startled his concentration, and his right foot slipped slightly. Not enough for the board to go flying, but enough that Willie fell forward onto the concrete, throwing his right hand out to catch himself.

Alex had seen Willie fall off his board a lot, and it used to scare him, but he quickly learnt it was part of the sport. Or at least that’s what it looked like when Alex visited the skate park. Alex had seen more people fall off their boards, then stay on. So, Alex didn't rush to Willie straight away, instead, he waited for Willie to get up.

Willie started standing but cried in pain when he put pressure on his wrist. Alex stood and moved over to his boyfriend quickly, helping him up.

“Are you okay?” Alex asked reaching out for the wrist that Willie had cradled to his chest.

“Yeah totally. My wrist just hurts.” He showed it to Alex, who was concerned to see it there was already some purpling.

“It’s not supposed to be that colour I don’t think,” Alex murmured. Willie tried to stretch out his fingers but hissed in pain.

“I think it might be broken.” He commented.

“Shit, okay.” Alex leaned down and picked up Willie’s board. “I can text Bobby and he can take us to the ER-”

“No that’s okay. I think we should head back to my house, so my dad can take me.” Alex was confused for a moment before he shook himself.

Of course, Willie wanted to go with his dad. He’s hurt. Sure, if Alex hurt himself, or Reggie or Luke or even Bobby got hurt, they’d all just head straight to the hospital. Bobby’s mom worked in the ER so it made sense for them to all just head straight to her.

But Willie was like Julie, he had a good relationship with his dad. And if Julie was hurt they’d call Ray first. So Alex was going to take Willie to Caleb, even if his instinct was to take him straight to the ER.

* * *

Alex and Willie walked into Willie’s house and were greeted by Winnie barking at them at the door. She was wagging her tail in excitement, but immediately stopped when she noticed Willie was hurt.

They walk into the kitchen, and Willie took a seat at the counter, whilst Alex walked over to get an ice-pack from the freezer. Winnie sat down on the floor at Willie’s feet, like she was standing guard for him.

“Are you sure you don’t want to head to the hospital now? We could get Caleb to meet us there.” Alex said, noticing the wince Willie made when he put ice on his wrist.

“No, it’s okay. I’m pretty sure Caleb would rather be the one to take me.” Alex bit his lip but didn't argue.

“Do you want to call him?”

“What time is it?” Alex pulled out his phone to check.

“4:45.”

“I’ll wait. He told me he’d be home at 5, so we should just wait it out.” Everyone of Alex’s instincts said that they absolutely should not wait it out. Especially considering the way Willie’s eyebrows kept furrowing in pain.

Alex continued nibbling on his bottom lip, focusing on Willie so that he didn't acknowledge the tightness that’d been steadily building in his chest for the past twenty minutes.

Willie moved back the ice pack to inspect his wrist.

“Do you think you could get Winnie’s dinner? If we’re at the ER late I don’t want her not to eat.” Alex nodded and moved to get Winnie’s dinner from the cupboard.

The second Winnie identified the bag of food she instinctively started to move towards her bowl, but paused after a moment and sat back down at Willie's feet. Willie leaned down to stroke her head gently.

Alex filled up Winnie’s food bowl and swapped out her water. Willie was watching him move, and Alex knew the only reason Willie had asked him to feed Winnie, was to get him to stop thinking about Willie’s injury. But Alex wouldn't be able to stop thinking about Willie’s injury until Willie was no longer injured.

Once done with the food, Alex went and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, allowing the shorter boy to rest his head on his shoulder.

“Are you in a lot of pain?” he asked, combing his fingers through his hair.

“I’ve broken bones before, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? I can get you something-”

“Alex,” Willie whined, “Just let me cuddle you please.”

Alex continued running his fingers through Willie’s hair and Willie leaned into Alex, breathing through his obvious pain.

They stayed in their embrace until they heard Caleb come home through the front door.

Caleb made a lot of noise when he came into the house, Alex suspected that it was a choice he had made to not startle Willie. It’s helpful now too because Alex had time to start pulling away from Willie before Caleb entered the room. But, Willie tightened his grip, forcing Alex to stay in place.

Caleb entered the kitchen and paused when he spotted them. Suddenly, Alex was so acutely aware of the fact that he was wearing his shoes inside again that he couldn't move.

“What the hell happened?” Caleb asked, surging forward, gently forcing Alex to the side so he could inspect Willie’s wrist.

“I fell off my board. I think it’s broken.” Willie informed him.

“I brought you those wrist guards for a reason,” Caleb snapped. Willie shrugged.

Caleb sighed.

“Okay, we’re going to the ER,” Caleb said. Willie nodded and Alex was glad Caleb was taking the injury seriously.

“Yeah, I figured,” Willie mumbled. He turned to Alex. “I’m sorry I ruined our date.”

“Dude, you got hurt you didn’t ruin anything. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Alex assured.

“That’s very noble Alexander, but you can head home now, I have this handled.” Alex’s father calls him Alexander, and hearing it from another authority figure makes Alex’s throat feel dry.

“Hey-” Willie started, but Caleb cut him off.

“Now William.” Willie sighed but gave Alex an easy smile.

“I’ll text you and let you know how we go.” Alex really didn't want to leave, but he knew there was no way to challenge Caleb and win, so he nodded.

“I hope your wrist is okay,” Alex said softly. He glanced over at Caleb, who was dutifully ignoring the pair in favour of looking at Willie’s wrist. As though if he stared at it long enough, he would develop x-ray vision and be able to tell if it was broken or not.

Alex used the distraction to quickly kissed Willie on the check before he left.

Alex was almost through the front door when he heard Caleb’s voice echo through the kitchen.

“He’s wearing shoes inside my house still.”

“Dad.”

Alex died inside just a little bit.

* * *

(3)

It turned out that Willie’s wrist was broken. He had a ‘distal radius fracture’ but didn't need surgery so Willie was counting it as a win. Alex had no idea how you could count any broken bone as a win, but he also didn't skateboard so he wasn't going challenging the remark.

Because of his broken wrist, Caleb had been hovering over his son. Alex had seen Caleb more in the past two weeks, then he had in the first eight months he and Willie had dated.

It was both good and bad. At first, Willie was relishing in Caleb’s attention. Caleb had taken a short break from travelling to ensure he was home for Willie. Having someone at home every night made Willie calmed some anxiety about being home alone that Alex didn’t even realize Willie had.

On the other hand, both Caleb and Willie were used to more solitude then either were having, and it had started getting to them both. Both of their tempers had gotten shorter and Alex wasn’t sure how long it would be until one of them snapped.

Alex didn't feel super comfortable hanging at Willie’s when Caleb was home, and Caleb’s new curfew had cut some of their dates short. Simply, Alex was starting to miss his boyfriend, but couldn’t do anything but hope that Caleb went back to performing soon.

On a Thursday night, hours after they had finished band rehearsal, Alex’s phone buzzed. Alex rolled over on the pull out mattress he was sharing with Luke to grab the phone.

'You around to talk?' Willie had texted. Alex frowned, looking at the time.

'Yeah- you wanna Facetime?' He texted back.

'No, I’m sneaking out.' Alex sat up quickly.

'I can be outside yours in twenty minutes.'

Alex nudged Luke, who opened his eyes to look at him blearily.

“I need to go see Willie, I’ll be back later.” Luke nodded. He reached out and grabbed Alex’s wrist, squeezing it assuringly for a moment, before he pulled back and pulled the blankets tighter around his shoulders.

Alex got up and changed into something warmer than the sweats he was sleeping in. He put on his sneakers and climbed down the loft into the studio.

He silently opened the Molina’s garage door, and slipped out, watching the house in case Ray was still awake.

When he saw no movement inside, Alex went over to the fence that they hide their bikes behind and grabbed his bike.

Alex pushed the bike into the street and then rode it to Willie’s house, trying not to worry too much about why Willie needed to talk to him this badly at 11 PM.

Roger, the guard who sat at the community’s gates during the night-shift, saw Alex ride up and opened the gate for him to ride through. Alex gave him a grateful smile, before riding the rest of the way to Willie’s.

At the fence, Alex put in the gate’s code and it opened with a shudder. Alex slipped inside, leaning his bike up against the hedges. He could see Willie’s bedroom light on, so he pulled out his phone and texted him.

'I’m here.'

'I’m going to climb out my window.'

'Pls for the love of god, don’t climb out your window. You already have a brken wrist.'

'I might get caught if I use the backdoor.'

'I really don’t want you to get hurt again.'

Willie didn't respond to Alex, but he turned his bedroom light off. Alex surged forward, trying to see if he was actually trying to climb out his window. There was no movement that he could see, so Alex waited.

He heard the sound of the back door clicking shut, and eventually, Willie came into his sight. He looked more worked up then Alex had ever seen him.

Willie walked up to him and just stopped a few feet away. He didn't greet him with a kiss, or a hug, and Alex used that as a sign to indicate how upset he must've been. But, Willie was also good at communicating his emotions, so Alex knew he would talk when he was ready.

“Do you want to walk down to the pier?” he asked. Willie nodded, and they exit through the gate, taking the 15-minute walk to the pier.

They walk in silence, but Alex wasn't too concerned. Even silent, Willie was still someone Alex liked spending time with.

The pier was unsurprisingly empty considering how late it was on a Thursday night. Willie took a seat on a bench that faced the ocean.

Alex sat down next to him giving him space. After a moment Willie reached for Alex’s hand.

“Are you okay?” He asked quietly, rubbing his thumb over Willie’s hand.

Willie nodded, then sniffed.

“I’m fine. Really. I just- I got into a fight with Caleb.” Willie said glumly.

“What about?”

“His job. He wants to take less away jobs, but I think that if he doesn’t stop hovering I might explode.” Willie said with a frustrated laugh.

In the whole time, Alex had known him, Willie’s independence had been a significant part of who he was, so it didn’t surprise him that the sudden loss of it was getting to him.

Alex didn't respond verbally, he just continued rubbing Willie’s hand with his, knowing the soothing gesture did in fact, help.

“I’m glad that he’s around, and that he wants to be around more. But- he won’t let me go out. And he doesn’t want me riding my board, and I know he knows I can look after myself so its just frustrating and-” Willie let out a shuddered breathe and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Kinda suffocating?” If anything, Alex knew what it was like to be around suffocating parental figure.

“Yeah, suffocating.” Willie slid closer to Alex.

“Has he always been this overprotective?” Alex asked.

“Not really? I mean, I got into a bad accident a few years ago, and he freaked when it happened. But it was pretty long ago, and he relaxed. Caleb always meant to me that I got to be in a home where I was safe and had freedom. But now it’s like he’s trying to take that away.” Willie wrapped his pink casted arm around his chest.

“So I guess breaking your wrist scared him?”

“Yeah, I think it brings back bad memories or something.”

Alex moved over until his whole body was pressed next to Willie’s.

“I uh. I told him that if I wanted to be controlled all the time, then I should’ve just stayed with my last foster family.” Willie’s voice broke a little when he said foster family, and Alex could hear how much it hurt for him to say.

“That sounds pretty intense.” He responded.

“It was. But Caleb was supposed to be the person that took me away from all of that control. But every time he tells me I need to be home by 8, or he makes me a meal using the diet his nutritionists set, it just- it feels like I’m back in those homes.” Willie’s breathe caught again, and Alex rubbed his hand up and down Willie’s leg.

He waited until Willie’s breathing settled again.

“I’m sorry you feel so stuck.” He murmured. Willie let his head fall onto Alex’s shoulder.

They sit in silence for a while, watching the reflection of the night sky on the ocean.

“Do you think Caleb’s going to relax?” Willie shrugged.

“I don’t know. If he doesn’t we might be doing this more though.”

“I’d be okay with that; this is nice,” Alex assured him.

They sat out at the docks for a few more hours. They talked quietly about the new trick Willie was going to try when he was allowed to get back on his board again, about the new song Luke had been working on this week, and about the history assignment that had Alex pulling his hair out.

At about 1:30, Alex suggested they head back. Willie nodded and they walked back to Willie’s house, tired, but more peaceful than when they left.

Roger waved them through, and they only froze when they saw the front porch light was on at Willie’s house.

“Shit,” Willie cursed.

“We could always try your window?” Alex offered, not completely joking.

“No, I gotta face the music,” Willie said with a sigh. “Walk me up there?”

Alex swallowed; because facing Caleb Covington was still one of the scariest things Alex did in his week. But Willie wanted him to, so he did.

On the porch, Willie turned to Alex and leaned over to kiss him softly. Alex fell forward into the kiss and brought his hands up to Willie’s hair.

The front door opened and Alex jumped back. Caleb looked between the pair.

“Thank you for bringing him home Alex. Are you able to find your way home safely?” Alex spared a glance at Willie, who was looking at his father worriedly.

“Yes sir.” Caleb nodded and turned to Willie.

“Inside William.” Willie turned back to Alex.

“I’ll text you tomorrow,” he promised, stepping past Caleb.

Alex tried not to take the speed at which Caleb closes the door too personally.

* * *

(4)

Three days after their midnight trip to the pier, Willie called Alex in the middle of the afternoon, clearly upset.

“Could you come over please?” he asked, and Alex could hear a waver in his voice.

Alex stood from where he sat on Julie’s couch. Bobby and Reggie gave him a strange look.

“Yeah, I’ll- I’m on my way,” Alex assured. Willie sniffed on the other end of the phone.

“I-, thank you.” And then he hung up. Alex’s heart just about leapt out of his chest.

“Can you drive me to Willie’s please?” he asked Bobby. They both must hear the concern in his voice, because for once, Bobby doesn’t question him.

“Sure man.” Bobby turned to Reggie. “Can you tell Julie and Luke where we’ve gone, whenever they finish staring into each other’s eyes in the studio?”

Reggie nodded, and then Bobby and Alex were walking out of the door.

They jumped inside Bobby’s shitty van, and Bobby started heading towards Willie’s house. Both boys were startled to find the estate’s gates were open and unguarded.

Alex got Bobby to park out on the street and jumped out of the car quickly.

“Caleb must really like hedges huh,” Bobby remarked. Alex wasn't focused on him though, because the usually shut and locked gate to Willie’s house was also open.

Alex rushed onto the property and spotted Willie sitting on the front porch, his head in his hands.

“Babe?” Alex called. Willie’s head shot up and he rushed forward into Alex’s arms, who caught him easily.

“What’s going on?” he asks, concerned. Willie pulled back and swiped his hand across his face.

“I convinced Caleb to go to the club today, so I could sneak a ride on my board. And I guess when I left, the gates broke across the whole estate, and- and I forgot Winnie was outside when I left. So I came back and she’s gone and I looked everywhere for her and I don’t know what to do.” Willie rushed out, looking more crushed then Alex had ever seen.

Alex rubbed his hands up and down Willie’s arms, processing what he had said.

“Okay, we are going to look for her. And I’m going to text everyone and we’re going to find her.” Alex assured. Willie’s bottom lip trembles a little bit, but he nodded.

“She loves you so much. She followed you through two different foster homes, she’s not running away now.” Alex promised.

“I’ve texted the band group chat,” Bobby said from behind them. “Everyone’s on their way.”

“Thank you,” Willie said quietly.

“Let’s start looking around,” Alex said, wrapping his hand around Willie’s. He dragged him out the front of the property and started looking around for places that a miniature Goldendoodle could run to if bored.

“You guys go ahead, I’ll wait here for the others. We will look inside the estate if you guys want to start out?” Bobby promised.

“Thanks, Bobbers,” Alex responded, giving Bobby a fist bump before they left. He and Willie walked quietly down to the open gates. Alex wondered absently where the guard usually sitting at the gate was.

They walked towards the park down the street and called out Winnie’s name periodically.

After ten minutes of nothing, the tension building inside Willie started to flood out through his words.

“I got so caught up in being angry at Caleb. Like- I was so angry at him this morning, I basically pushed him out of the house to get my board. And then I just forgot to check that the gate was closed. If I checked it she wouldn’t have been able to escape. If I checked that she was inside, she wouldn’t have even been able to get out the stupid broken gate. All because I was so worked up at Caleb. I should’ve just taken her with me, but I just wanted some time to ride by myself for a bit.” By the time he finishes speaking Willie was a little red in the face, and Alex felt his chest ache.

“You’re allowed to want alone time Wilie. Accidents happen, but it wasn’t your fault.” Alex promised, coming to a stop.

“I don’t even care that Caleb is going to be upset that I went on my board. Alex, what if she doesn’t come back? She’s my best friend,” Willie’s bottom lip started trembling again, and Alex pulled him forward into a hug.

“We are going to find her, okay? We’re not going to get upset about what happens if we don’t, because we will.” Alex insisted. Willie tucked his head into Alex's collar and just breathed for a moment. Alex rubbed his back, knowing that was the extent of comfort he could really offer till they found Winnie.

After calming Willie down a bit, the pair continued to walk around looking for Winnie. They walked into the neighbouring estate, and Alex tried to not feel too dejected after they find nothing despite looking for an hour.

Eventually, Alex’s phone started to buzz in his pocket. It was Luke calling.

“Hello?” Alex pulled Willie close to him, so he could hear the conversation.

“Dude! We found her- well Reggie found her. We’re bringing her back to Willie’s now.” Willie sagged against Alex in relief.

“Reggie? Isn’t he afraid of Winnie?” Alex asked with a laugh, also feeling the full-body relief Willie was experiencing.

“Yeah, that’s how we knew he found her. He squealed impressively high.” Luke said with a laugh. In the background, Alex heard Reggie’s defensive “I did not!”

“Thanks, Luke. We’ll be back soon.” Luke hung up the phone, and Alex swung his arms over Willie’s shoulders.

“You wanna go see her?” Alex asked softly, Willie nodded against him.

* * *

At Willie’s house, everyone was gathered on the front lawn, inside the hedges. Alex was surprised to see that as well as the band and Flynn, Carrie had shown up to help too. With amusement, Alex realised that probably meant she was hanging out with Flynn.

Carrie, Flynn and Julie were standing on the porch, watching the boys with amused smiles.

Luke and Bobby were sitting down with Winnie, throwing a ball between them that Winnie chased. Reggie was standing two feet behind Bobby, like he wanted to join but was too cautious.

Luke noticed them coming in and pointed Willie out to Winnie who was in front of him. The dog barked in excitement and barreled towards him.

Willie sunk down to his knees to greet her. Alex could sense how overwhelmed Willie was, so he leant down and grabbed Willie’s necklace, the one with his house key on it.

“We should go inside,” Alex informed the group, walking past all of them, and drawing their attention away from Willie.

He unlocked the door, and everyone followed him inside. Alex stopped to slide his shoes off. Luke snorted, but they all follow suit.

“Maybe we should... Go watch some Netflix?” Alex suggested, realizing he didn’t have a plan beyond getting everyone away from Willie.

“Good plan Alex,” said Carrie leading the way through a house despite never having been there before.

The group spread themselves naturally across the living room. Flynn and Carrie sat in one of the love seats, Julie and Luke take one side of the couch, and Reggie and Bobby make themselves comfortable on the soft rug in front of the couch.

Alex sat down next to Luke, leaving space for Willie when he came in.

Reggie grabbed the remote and turned the TV on, and the group start arguing over what they should watch.

Alex shifted in his seat to look towards the front door, hoping that Willie would appear, happy and with Winnie.

When Willie didn’t show immediately, Alex turned back to the group, tuning into Luke and Reggie arguing over which sitcom they should watch.

“Reg, just put Friends on and be done with it,” Luke complained.

“We have literally watched nothing but Friends for two months, I’m sure we can pick something different.” Reggie continued flicking through shows, not pausing quick enough for anyone to see any trailers.

“Bobby, hand me the remote,” Carrie said firmly. Bobby looked over at his cousin, and then back at his boyfriend. He leaned over and gave Reggie a kiss on the cheek, and ripped the remote from his hand.

“Not cool,” Reggie grumbled. Bobby threw his arm around Reggie’s shoulders, pulling him close, and handed the remote over to Carrie.

“I know,” Bobby responded.

Carrie rearranged herself on the love-seat, so she was sitting pressed against Flynn’s side. She handed the remote over to Flynn silently.

“We should watch a movie,” Flynn said, guiding the screen towards the recently released section.

“Now we’re talking,” agreed Julie.

“We should watch an action movie,” said Luke.

“Or a comedy,” Bobby added from the floor.

“Or whatever Flynn decides, because she’s smarter than all of you,” Carrie said sweetly. Bobby snorted but didn't comment.

“What about that one? The new Vin Diesel movie?” Reggie said as Flynn pauses on the trailer.

“None of that looks good buddy,” Julie said affectionately. Reggie turned around to look at her incredulously.

“What are you talking about? He just jumped out of a helicopter!” Flynn continued scrolling wordlessly.

Alex tried to focus on the conversation, and not how long Willie had been sitting outside.

Flynn paused on Legally Blonde.

“We don’t even have to watch it, I just want to watch the trailer,” Flynn said, sighing dreamily at Reese Witherspoon.

“I’ve never seen Legally Blonde,” Luke said. Flynn and Julie both gasp at him.

“Me neither,” Reggie added. Carrie glared at Julie and Bobby.

“The fact that neither of you took the time to educate your partners appropriately offends me greatly,” Carrie said judgmentally. Even Alex had to laugh at the seriousness on her face.

"Luke and I are not a couple, Carrie," Julie said indignantly. Carrie raised an eyebrow and scoffed.

"Luke, Reggie, you both need to be educated."

Flynn nodded seriously and pressed play on the film.

* * *

Willie came inside just as Warner picked up Elle for their date. He turned off the living room’s lights and crawled onto the sofa next to Alex, positioning Winnie to curl up on his lap.

Alex lifted his arm allowing Willie to sit comfortably next to him.

“Legally Blonde?” Willie whispered. Alex could see there was some redness in his eyes, even in the dark. Winnie running away in combination with the trouble Willie had been having with Caleb was taking its toll.

“Carrie and Flynn are educating Reggie and Luke,” Alex whispered back. Willie laughed quietly.

“You okay?” Willie nodded, eyes forward on the screen. Alex squeezed his arm and redirected his attention to the screen.

“I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn,” Warner said on-screen. Luke and Reggie let out a mutual hiss.

“What a piece of shit,” Luke grumbled.

“Yep.”

* * *

“I’ll show you how valuable Elle Woods can be,” Reese Witherspoon remarked on-screen fiercely.

“Carrie,” Reggie stage whispered.

“What?”

“You’re Elle Woods,”

“I know.”

* * *

Outside, Alex noticed the sun had set, and rightfully regarded it as a sign that Caleb would be home soon.

He heard the front door open, and the sound of Caleb stepping in. Winnie sat up on Willie’s lap. On a normal day she would’ve gone running to greet Caleb at the door, but today she just turned her head and listened for a moment, before snuggling back down into Willie.

Willie shifted and let his head fall onto Alex’s shoulder. Alex could feel how exhausted he was.

Caleb entered the living room and flickered on the light. Flynn paused the TV and everyone looked over at Caleb.

Caleb scanned the room, and his eyes fell on Willie.

“What’s going on?” Caleb asked carefully.

“Um- the gate broke this morning and Winnie got out. Everyone came over to help look for her.” Caleb waited for a moment to see if Willie had anything more to say. When it’s clear that he didn't and that the rest of the room wasn't going to speak, Caleb nodded.

“I’ll order pizza.” He said, leaving the room turning the light back off as he went.

* * *

“Isn’t that Velma from Scooby-Doo?”

“Luke shut up,” Julie laughed.

* * *

When the doorbell rang, Alex listened to Caleb answers it. He tuned out the movie, in favour of paying attention to Caleb’s quiet murmurs.

He had moved to the kitchen and Alex heard some draws open.

Caleb walked into the living room and put two pizza boxes on the coffee table in front of Reggie and Bobby. He placed some paper plates next to them.

Flynn didn't pause the film, so everyone sat quietly as Bobby dished out pizza slices.

Caleb crouched down next to Willie and whispered at a volume so quiet that Alex could only hear because he was sitting so close.

“You wanna let me feed her?” Caleb asked softly. Willie looked down at Winnie in his lap and Alex felt him tense slightly.

Caleb placed his hand on the back of Willie’s head.

“I’ll bring her back soon,” Caleb promised. Willie nodded and let Caleb pick Winnie up out of his lap.

He carried her out of the room, and Willie fell back against Alex even more.

“You gonna eat?” Alex asked. Willie nodded, and Alex passed him a plate from Bobby.

“Focus on the film babe,” Willie mumbled, gesturing to the screen as Paulette attempted the bend and snap.

* * *

“Mrs Windum, you are free to go,” the Judge declared. Reggie and Luke whooped in excitement. Bobby dipped his head laughing at them. But looking over, Alex could see all the girls had matching grins on their face.

“I want to be Elle Woods when I grow up.” Luke declared.

“You need to practice your bend and snap a bit more first,” Julie said placatingly.

* * *

“Alright I can see why Carrie was offended, I can’t believe you never made me watch this,” Reggie complained, poking Bobby in the arm.

“If I spent my whole life I would still never be able to show you all of the important films that Carrie decided was vital to your education,” Bobby said firmly.

“He’s right, you’d never catch up,” Carrie promised.

“What I’m hearing is that we have a new movie night theme,” Reggie said, raising his eyebrows at the group.

“Now that’s a theme I can support.” Flynn agreed.

The lights flickered on, and Alex looked over to see Caleb standing in the doorway. Winnie walked past him and climbed up onto Willie’s lap.

“I think it’s time everyone goes home,” Caleb said, hands in his pockets. The group immediately started standing and making their way out of the room dutifully.

Alex stayed close to Willie for just a moment longer and pressed a kiss into the side of his head. Alex knew how emotionally exhausted Willie was and the thought of leaving him to another fight with Caleb made him ache.

“Text me later?” Alex asked as he stood, petting Winnie’s head as he does so. Willie nodded, and Alex followed the rest of his friends out of the room.

Caleb followed Alex to the front door, and Alex noted how tense he was standing. When he spared a glance at Caleb’s face, he spotted a tight expression, that on Willie meant that he was stressed.

Alex really didn't want Caleb to go and pick a fight with Willie right now.

“It was my fault Winnie got out sir. I didn’t check the gate before I left with Willie this morning.” Caleb stared at Alex for a moment, before nodding. It looked like some of the tension leaves Caleb’s face.

“Thank you for telling me,” Caleb responded.

“Good night sir,” Alex said, sliding into his shoes and walking outside where Carrie was standing waiting, while everyone else was climbing into Bobby’s car.

“Why’d you lie?” She asked, joining him for the walk down the pathway.

“He already hates me, at least now he won’t be pissed at Willie,” Carrie smiled at him, and linked her arm around his.

“He won’t hate you forever Alex.” She promised, but Alex didn’t know if that was true.

* * *

Later that night, hidden away in the loft in Julie’s studio, Alex received a text from Willie as he was slipping off to sleep.

He opened his phone with blurry eyes.

'Thank you for trying to protect me from Caleb. But you don’t need to. I know I’ve been fighting with him a lot lately, but he is still my dad. I love you! xx'

Well if Caleb didn’t hate him enough already, he certainly had enough reason to now that he knew Alex had lied to him. He texted back with a sigh.

'I love you too. sorry xx.'

* * *

(5)

On the last weekend of every month, Alex’s older siblings, Jack and Lizzie, returned home from college to spend the weekend with their family. It was a tradition that Mr Mercer had insisted on when they first left home, and despite the alienation of their youngest child, it was one they had maintained.

From a young age, Alex had understood that for his family, the pretence mattered more than the action. It mattered how they looked, not who they were. Jack and Lizzie had to return home so that their parents could show off their twins at church. It's not like they wanted to show off Alex anymore.

When he came out to his parents, six months prior, he was calmly asked to leave the house, but to ensure he returned the last weekend of every month too. Because no one was to find out that he was gay, not even his siblings.

Therefore on the last Friday of the month, Alex would go back to his house after school instead of Julie’s or Willie’s. He would greet his parents, and at most get a strained smile from his mother. They would eat dinner in silence, Alex sat at the far end of the table away from his father and mother. And at night, Alex would get to sleep in an actual bed, with his bedroom door locked and his phone close to his chest.

* * *

At 8 AM on the last Saturday of April, Alex was woken by the sound of his siblings arriving outside. He peeked out his bedroom window and watched Lizzie climb out of the driver's seat of her car, bickering with Jack as she did. He watched their mother run outside to engulf them in hugs. She was alone, which meant his father had been called into work for the day. Small victories.

Jack looked up at Alex’s window and waved to him, a cheery smile on his face. Alex waved back, and Jack gestured for him to come down.

Alex rolled off his bed and got dressed. His room had gotten progressively barer since he was kicked out; his music posters were still up and his desk was still covered in books and notepads, but he hadn’t actually been used in months. His bedroom felt more like the room of someone that he used to be, then the person that he was.

His phone buzzed with a text.

'Hope your morning isn’t too intense. I’ll see you at rehearsal tonight <3' Willie texted. Alex quickly typed his response, and then slid his phone back into his pocket, ready to go downstairs and lie to his siblings for the day.

'See you then xx'

* * *

Lizzie, Jack and Mrs Mercer were in the kitchen when Alex walked downstairs. The twins were arguing about the drive down, but both stopped and looked at Alex brightly when they spot him.

“No Way!” Jack cried, moving towards Alex. “No way you’re taller than me now! I’m the older brother, being tallest is my birthright.”

Jack grabbed Alex’s shoulders and twisted him with a laugh. Alex felt a smile come onto his face; despite the fact that everything his older brother knew about him was a lie, at least Alex still knew him. At least Jack was still the same.

Jack pulled Alex into a hug and ruffled his hair. Alex buried his head in his brother's shoulder for a moment, and his whole body ached for a normalcy where hugs like this from his family weren’t rare.

When Alex pulled back, Jack gave him a concerned look, but Lizzie pushed him aside before he could say anything.

“You’re shorter than both of your younger siblings that has got to suck,” she remarked, pulling Alex into a hug.

“We’re twins; you don’t count as younger,” Jack said hotly. Lizzie pressed a kiss to Alex’s forehead.

“I definitely do,” she assured.

When Alex pulled out of the hug, he noticed his mother staring at him. Like she had also only just noticed how tall he had gotten lately too.

Alex knew he had gotten taller because Victoria had pointed it out last week. She had remarked with her hand over her heart, that they were all growing up. She sounded so heartbroken that Alex had immediately tried comforting her, but couldn’t think of anything to say beyond “Luke probably won’t grow anymore at least?”

Luke had hidden his drumsticks for three hours, but Tía had laughed so it had been worth it.

Seeing his mothers surprised expression, Alex wonders if she felt the same way that Tía did.

Jack started pouting at his sister and their mother was quick to move her attention away from Alex to placate him.

“You're the tallest in my heart dear,” She said, patting his arm lovingly.

“Thank you,” he responded, wiping away a fake tear.

“Now, come and sit down with me. Tell me how premed is going,” Their mother said, redirecting him to the dining room to sit down.

Alex and Lizzie watch as they go. Alex was about to follow when Lizzie nudged him gently.

“Mom seems less stressed than last time we were home. It’s less tense,” She commented.

Lizzie and Jack were both incredibly smart. It was something that was always highlighted to Alex in his childhood. _“Alexander, you need to try harder, your siblings never performed this badly in school,”_ was not the response most kids got to a B+ in chemistry.

So Alex knew they were both intelligent enough to have noticed the newfound tension that existed in the Mercer household. But Alex was also acutely aware that they took their parents words biblically. When Mrs Mercer had explained to Lizzie and Jack that Alex had been fighting with them because of the band, the twins just accepted it. Alex didn’t do as well in school as his siblings, his friends got into fights, he was in a band, so of course, the tension was a result of Alex being rebellious. What else could it be?

Alex shrugged.

“The band’s been getting some good gigs lately. Hard to be angry at something that is becoming successful,” The band _had_ been getting better gigs lately, fewer book clubs and more dive bars. But it still felt like a lie.

“Well that’s exciting,” She said, in what Alex assumed was meant to be an enthusiastic voice. Lizzie was the most supportive person in his family, but that support still only went so far when it came to the band.

“Yeah it is,” he said, walking into the living room where Jack was enthralling their mother in a tale about his Environmental Health professor.

* * *

They had lunch together and Alex did his best to sit quietly and draw as little attention as possible. By the time the afternoon rolled around, Alex felt emotionally exhausted, and politely excused himself to go to band practice.

At the Molina’s house, Ray ran outside when Alex arrived, catching him before he got to the studio

Everyone knew how hard the last weekend of the month could be for him. And whilst Ray still wasn't sure of the extent of his parent's exile, he did know that having his siblings around wasn't fun anymore.

“You okay mijo?” Alex didn't like talking about his emotions. Every time he had tried, to the words would get stuck in his throat and it would hurt, so he just nodded.

Ray nodded, clearly recognizing that pushing wasn’t going to help. He moved forward and pulled Alex into a quick hug. If people kept hugging Alex today he might actually have a breakdown.

Ray patted him on his back and Alex headed towards the studio.

The band greeted him with smiles and were all at their instruments ready for him the bang-out on the drums, which was undoubtedly the only thing he wanted to do right now.

They played through their most recent setlist twice, and Bobby and Luke showed the band the new song they had been working on.

Midway through their planned rehearsal, Willie came in with Winnie on a leash. He gave Alex a kiss on the cheek and sat down to watch, letting Winnie run between each band member, before eventually settling back over with Willie.

It was not an eventful afternoon which was exactly what Alex needed, knowing what he was going home to. He had to go to church the next morning, and every time he thought about it, his stomach twisted with anxiety.

But here, with his band and boyfriend, Alex felt more at home then he did at the house he had to go back to.

* * *

Alex arrived home in time for dinner. He took his seat at the end of the table and tried to ignore the weird looks the twins were sending him.

When his siblings were nearby, it was like his father’s hatred for Alex was intensified. Alex could feel the anger radiating across the table. Anger that last night was merely disdain. Alex kept his eyes focused on his food and hoped that the meal would end soon.

Lizzie and Jack tell stories about life on campus that Alex's doesn't hear. They complain about classes and exams, and their parents laugh and offer small comments when it's necessary. Alex would never get that from their parents. Not unless he decided to marry a girl who wanted nothing but to have his babies and clean his house while he worked a boring 9-5 job. The perfect family to make up for the horrible 'gay thing' he put his parents through when he was a teenager.

Really that was all it would take. Alex just had to break up with Willie, quit the band and ask out Katie from church. Then he just had to study economics at College so he could get a boring job as an accountant, and propose to Katie first year out of college. Then they just had to have three kids, and Alex would need to make sure that they all attend church weekly for their whole lives. He would never see Willie or the band, or Carrie to Flynn ever again and then, maybe his parents would be able to look at him again, and maybe they would care about what goes on in his life. All he has to do was repress who he was and lie forever and then his parents would love him again.

Alex's eyes started burning with unshed tears. He must have been staring at his food for a long time without eating, because suddenly his plate was being picked up. Alex startled slightly and saw his mother looking down at him as she cleared the table. It’s not quite concern in her eyes, but it was something.

“Maybe you should go to bed early tonight.” She said, not unkindly. Alex nodded blankly, and left without speaking or looking at anyone. Alex wiped at his eyes as he walked up the staircase, trying to ignore the hushed whispering of his siblings that started the second he left the room.

Inside his bedroom, Alex locked the door and looked around at his bare room. It didn't even feel like his bedroom anymore, just four walls he was trapped in once a month for two days, where he had to lie to his siblings and pretend to be something he wasn't.

Alex huffed in frustration, and pulled his duffel bag out from under his bed. He opened his dressing table, ripping out the last few articles of clothing he had left in the house, and shoved them in his duffel. Maybe he shouldn’t come back after this weekend. Maybe he should grab everything tonight and be done with this.

Alex opened up his closet to see if there was anything worth grabbing in there. There were a few winter coats and some blankets piled up on the floor. Everything else he had cleared out months ago.

Those blankets could come in handy out in the studio, though. Alex texted Luke, telling him to break into his room when they go to church tomorrow to grab the blankets. Luke responded with a thumbs up and a heart emoji.

Alex stuffed his duffel bag in his closet and crawled into bed still dressed.

He plugged his phone in to charge and left it lying next to him, so he could grab it if he needed to leave quickly.

* * *

Attending church was nothing short of torture.

The service was incredibly long, and the priest’s droning voice made Alex’s head hurt. Being in the church itself was difficult. Alex was constantly aware that everyone in the room would turn on him if they knew who he really was. Being there felt like a lie. Even putting his hand in holy water to sign the holy trinity felt like a lie.

Each lie made his chest feel tighter.

At least during church, he was not expected to talk to his family. He could sit in silence, ignoring his siblings without having to worry about how angry it’s made either of his parents.

After the church service, they head to a cafe Lizzie had chosen for a late brunch. Their mother put her hands on the twins backs and guided them through the crowds easily. Alex walked behind them, not by far, but by enough that his parents could pretend he wasn't there.

Staring at the back of his dad's head, Alex realised that his dad hadn't actually looked him in the eye in three months.

Considering how _smart_ they were, it was impressive that neither Lizzie or Jack had noticed that.

The family ended up squashed into a booth in the corner of the cafe. There wasn't room for Alex in the booth, so he grabbed a chair and sat at the end of the table.

Lizzie and Jack were going back to college this afternoon, and Alex was going to be kicked out again. Every time he got kicked out it hurt just as much as the first time. The thought didn't leave Alex feeling very hungry, so he just pushed the eggs his mother ordered for him around on his plate.

And then the worst thing that could possibly happen to Alex happened, and Caleb fucking Covington walked into the cafe.

Alex’s stomach dropped to his knees, and he quickly ducked his head, praying that Caleb didn't notice him. Alex carefully placed his fork down noticing that his hand had started trembling.

He scanned the table and his mother and father were both looking at Lizzie’s phone as she showed them photos from her childhood best friend's Facebook page. Jack was looking straight at Alex though, like he could see the anxiety radiating off him.

Alex couldn't help but glance over at Caleb, he was relieved to find that he’s at the counter ordering food.

Maybe, he was in the clear. Even if Caleb did spot him, maybe he decided he didn’t need to intrude on his family time. Surely Caleb wouldn’t care about meeting Alex’s family? He didn’t even like Alex.

“Alex, hello,” Apparently fucking not.

The table fell silent and everyone's gaze shifted to Caleb, Alex tried to feign surprise.

“Mr Covington, good morning.” Alex smiled tightly, and started patting out the drum beat of Bright on his left leg quietly.

Caleb didn't say anything, and Alex suddenly realised that he was waiting for him to introduce him to his family.

“This is my mother Anne, my father Tom, and my siblings Elizabeth and Jackson.” Caleb smiled politely at them.

Alex glanced at his family, and noticed his father’s hard expression.

“And who might you be?” he asked Caleb rudely.

“Well your son-”

“Tutors! I tutor Caleb’s son in um, English.” Caleb’s mouth slamed shut at Alex’s words and Alex could hear his heart beating in his ears. If Caleb told his siblings that Willie was his boyfriend, Alex didn't even know what his father would do.

“Alex!” his Mother chastised, “you do not cut people off!”

“Sorry sir,” Alex said. His hands were going numb.

This might be the worst thing that had ever happened to Alex. Caleb already hated him and now Alex was pressuring him to lie to his parents for him.

“It’s alright. Alex does tutor my son Willie in English. His grade has improved from a C to a B since he started getting help. You have a very smart child.” Caleb’s charming smile looked like it sparkled, and Alex was so relieved that Caleb went along with his lie that he let out a breathe he didn’t realize he was holding.

Jack snorted in his seat.

“Are you sure it’s our Lexi who has been helping your son improve? His grades have never been the best.” Jack teased, in a way that Alex thinks was meant to be kind, but actually just hurt.

“I’m sure. Alex has been incredibly helpful.” Lizzie looked proud, and his mother almost looked satisfied to hear this too.

“It’s wonderful that your son is improving,” Anne commented.

“Yeah, it’s never a bad moment to feel proud of your kid.” Caleb’s eyes flickered between both of Alex’s parents, and Alex almost laughed out-loud until he caught the thunderous look on his father’s face.

He was staring at Alex, or through Alex. This could be it- the moment that Tom Mercer decided that pretense didn't actually matter, and he murdered his youngest in a cafe on a Sunday morning.

“Caleb!” The barista called, indicating that Caleb’s order was ready.

“I better get going. It was lovely to meet you all. See you next week Alex.” Caleb turned and left. Alex sat very still, anticipating his parent's response.

Lizzie leaned over to Alex with a grin on her face.

“Alex did you know that the father of the boy you tutor is the queerest man I have seen in my life,” she said with a laugh. Their father lets out a grunt that Lizzie ignores.

“Caleb? Weird.” Alex’s voice felt detached from his body. His throat felt like sand, and he knew that he was building to a panic attack, so instead of eating, Alex spent the rest of the meal doing the breathing exercises Reggie had found for him online.

They left earlier than they usually did on Sunday brunches, and Alex followed his family silently and numbly.

* * *

Back at the house, Alex headed straight up to his bedroom. His cupboard door was open and his duffel bag was missing, so Luke must’ve made good on collecting his things. Alex closed the cupboard door and fell onto his bed heavily.

He closed his eyes and focused on his friends, and knowing he would be back with them in a few hours instead of here.

Alex pulled out his phone and texted Willie.

'Can you tell your dad im sorry if I was rude today'

'Oh. Did you run in to him?'

'Yeah, but I was with my folks so I had to lie about you :’('

'That sounds like it sucks, but Caleb’s really good about that stuff, he’ll understand I promise.'

Before Alex could respond there was a knock on his door.

“Alex?” Jack called.

“Come in.”

Jack opened the bedroom door and paused when he looked around the room.

“You moving out bro?” he asked with a laugh. Alex didn’t think he had the capacity for jokes today, so he shrugged.

“I don’t need a lot of stuff.” Jack nodded and walked into the room a bit more before pausing.

Alex watched his older brother curiously, who looked incredibly uncomfortable for a moment.

Jack sighed like he was talking himself into something. He moved and sat on Alex’s bed next to him. Alex sat up.

“Lex, you know we love you right? Like all of us, we love you so much. So even if we don’t always understand why you chose music, it doesn’t mean we don’t want you happy and safe.” Jack said, forcing himself to look at his younger brother.

Alex’s throat was suddenly tight and he had no choice but to stare back.

“I- thanks Jack,” Alex tried to keep his voice steady, but he could hear some of the emotion seeping through and judging by the look on Jack’s face he could too.

Jack suddenly looked down at his hands.

“It feels like every time we’ve come home the past few months, we’ve been watching you get more and more depressed. Alex, buddy, sometimes it’s like you’re not even in the room, it's like you’re a shell of a person.” Jack took an unsteady breathe, “So if you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me okay? Or Lizzie. We’re both willing to listen to whatever you need okay. Just, you can’t keep whatever’s going on to yourself.”

Maybe this was the moment, maybe Alex should just tell Jack that he’s gay. That Mom and Dad don’t like it and it’s killing him.

Maybe he’d be really understanding and he and Lizzie would surprise him and love him, despite the fact that he was everything their parents taught them to hate. Maybe they would love him anyway and give him advice and tell him it’s not worth coming home every month, maybe-

Alex’s door was pushed open, and their mother stood in the doorway, her arms folded over her chest.

“Jack, sweetie, you need to gather your things, your sister is almost ready to leave.” She said. Jack nodded and stood. He ruffled Alex’s hair and left. His mom lingered in the doorway a bit longer and Alex reached down onto the floor to grab his phone charger so he could wipe his eyes without her noticing.

* * *

Alex stood on the front porch with his parents, his hands deep in his pockets, watching as Lizzie reversed the car out of the driveway.

“Love you!” Jack yelled from the passenger seat. The twins waved as they drove away, leaving Alex alone with their parents.

It’s not till their car turned a corner and disappeared that Tom turned to Alex his expression dark.

“Don’t even bother coming back inside,” he snarled. Alex flinched back, surprised. It was the first thing his father had said directly to him in a long time.

Alex nodded quickly and Tom turned and stalked inside, leaving Alex with his mother.

“I wish you wouldn’t do this to yourself, Alex,” His mother’s voice was so much harder when his siblings weren't around. “I thought we raised you better than that.”

Alex blinked back the tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. She raised her eyebrows but otherwise didn't respond. She turned to go inside and left Alex standing alone, knowing he was not allowed in.

* * *

(+1)

A few days after Lizzie and Jack head back to college, Alex found himself outside of Willie’s house. Willie had been pretty busy with study the past few days and Alex was looking forward to an evening with his boyfriend.

When he knocked on the door, Caleb was the one who answered. Alex stared blankly at the older man, unsure of what to say after Sunday’s disaster.

“Willie is at the skate park,” Caleb informed him. Alex nodded slowly.

“Oh, okay. Right, um-”

“Would you like to come in and wait for him?” Alex almost said no, because the awkwardness of interacting with Caleb any longer might actually kill him but waiting inside Willie’s fancy home did sound nicer than waiting out on the street.

“Yes please,” Alex responded. Caleb moved to the side and Alex stepped in, he made a point to remove his shoes and tried not to feel too proud at Caleb’s look of approval.

They walked into the kitchen, and Caleb offered him a drink. Alex declined politely.

“Would it be okay if I waited in Willie’s room?” Alex tried to sound as polite as possible.

“Yeah, of course.” Alex smiled, relieved and turned to leave.

“Alex- before you go,” Alex froze where he stood. “I hope I didn’t make things difficult with your parents the other day. I didn’t realize you weren’t out to them; I’m sorry.”

Caleb certainly didn’t help the complicated relationship Alex had with his parents, but he also didn’t really make anything worse than it already was.

“Oh, you uh. You didn’t really, I mean. I am out? To my parents, but not my siblings. But my parents don’t approve so I’m not allowed to tell my brother and sister.” Alex explained.

“That sounds awful.” Alex shrugged, because it was awful, it was the worst two days of his month, but there was nothing he could do about that.

“It is what it is.”

Caleb walked around the counter so he was standing in front of Alex.

“I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. If you ever need somewhere safe to be, please know this home is a safe space for you. Not just the Molina’s. And that’s even if you and Willie break up okay? This is a safe space for you.” Alex blinked at Caleb in shock. His surprise must show on his face because Caleb let out a low chuckle.

“Surely I don’t come across as that much of a villain that this is surprising.” Alex let out an embarrassed laugh.

“Uh, no. I just. I didn’t think you liked me very much,” Alex explained shyly.

Caleb looked at Alex surprised.

“I let you sleep in my son's bed when I was out of town. I trusted you with him when he was injured. You lied to my face about Winnie getting out, and I didn’t say anything. Alex, you wore shoes on my carpet and I didn’t kick you out of my house. What part of any of that sounds like I don’t like you?” Alex swallowed, going over every interaction he had with Caleb in the past few months.

“I may have deeply misinterpreted everything about those interactions.” Caleb laughed.

“I do like you, Alex. You’re perhaps the only one of Willie’s partners that I didn’t immediately hate after meeting them.” Alex couldn't help but grin at that.

“Thank you.” He said genuinely. Caleb nodded towards the stairs.

“I think Winnie’s asleep up there, but feel free to wait for Willie in his room. I think he left his laptop on his bed if you wanted to watch something.”

Alex nodded, and headed up the stairs, trying to control the grin on his face.

* * *

When Willie got home and headed up to his room, he was greeted by the best sight. His boyfriend sitting on his bed, with his dog curled up in his lap. Willie just about melted at the sight.

“Hey babe,” he said, placing his board against the wall as he walked over to greet Alex with a kiss.

Alex kissed him back and Willie could feel him smiling through the kiss.

“What’re you so happy about?” Willie asked, pulling back but keeping his hands resting on Alex’s face.

“Your dad said that he likes me.”

“Well, I already knew that.”

“I didn’t know that!” Alex cried. Willie grinned at him and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“You’re very likable,” Willie promised.

**Author's Note:**

> as an Australian, not ending every single text message with 'xx' annoyed me to much, so I added it. your welcome.
> 
> if you wanna chat hit me up [here](https://siriuslyrose.tumblr.com/)
> 
> i have lots of thoughts about alex's relationship with his parents and siblings so I would love to let that out
> 
> also I wanted to add that a lot of these story dynamics were inspired by the awesome works being written by @a-tomb-with-a-view and @irratia, so if you want to read some awesome jatp fics pls go check their works out

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [You’re Alright, I Guess](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29120751) by [WhatsYourNameMan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatsYourNameMan/pseuds/WhatsYourNameMan)




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